I truly
believe we should never say, “never ever again will I…”. I think that sets us up for failure. Call me superstitious or queer or
what-you-will. I just don’t think it is
prudent when we are not born as clairvoyants.
The comment
below, through which I have interwoven my reply/comments came from a blog
reader at ANRspace.com.
“I will not, never ever, enter
another relationship that does not include ANR. I know that I cannot be
truly happy without it.”
The fact I
do agree with, in the above quote, is that I too, know I do not wish to have
anymore relationships that do not have ANR as a component. I’ve stated it before… the refusal to commit
to ANR is a deal breaker for me.
I was talking to another woman about
how to approach the subject in the very early stages of a relationship.
She gave me really good advice. She said, just bring it up, if she likes
it, it’s a bonus, if she is offended or put off, it would never have worked
anyway so better to find out early.
As much as I
hate to admit it, this is better advice for men than it is for women. I speak from personal experience/experiment.
Imagine, if
you can, that I’m out on a date with a 48 year old man. It is our first date,
which may be part of the problem, but it is not the first time we've spoken. We've been conversing online and
on phone regularly for several weeks, and our first conversation was nearly 10 months ago.
I brought up
the subject casually, when we were talking about his married life and when his
one kid was born, etc...“did she nurse?” “did
you watch?” “did she share some of her
milk with you?”
OMG… it was like flipping a switch. This guy lit up like a neon sign. He was all over this idea like white on
rice. Great! Awesome, he’s in!
However, in “man
world” my bringing up this topic sent the following error message to his central processing unit... “This chick is
into it and wants me and wants sex and wants all of this NOW.”
Uh… no!
NO. I. DO. NOT!
See, I’m old
fashioned. I believe in waiting until
after marriage for love making. I am not
fast. I am not a hoe, but neither am I a prude. I just want a commitment first. I do not intend to start something that requires a more serious commitment than marriage without the benefit of one.
Now, I can’t
even talk to him without him bringing up the subject of how long am I going to
make him wait for “it”.
UGH! Before
I brought it up, we had conversations and discussed events and talked like
normal people. Now, it’s all boobs, tits,
and milky breasts.
Just one more thing to go on that list of "man requirements."
Good grief.
Now that you share your perspective I must admit that as a man, knowing that you desire ANR would tend to focus my interests perhaps a bit too keenly. :)
ReplyDeleteOkay, so... tell us, from a man's POV, when/how do we bring up this subject w/o all of you acting this way? Is it even possible?
ReplyDeleteMaybe something like... I know that we are just in the early stages of getting to know each other, but it seems like we are both enjoying each other's company so I think it is time for me to tell you about something that is important for me, something that I've come to learn that I need to be part of any serious relationship that I would consider...
ReplyDeleteIt isn't the wording, it is the timing.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as the subject is broached, the whole scope of the relationship changes. It is like they are suddenly hypnotized! UGH!